"I'm pregnant" There, I had said the words for the first time in my life. I never thought I would say those words, but here I am in the hospital, looking at my direct superior, telling him that I'm expecting a child. I search his face for some kind of reaction, he is near tears but he has been for quite some time. Nothing seems to be registering with him and I wonder if he heard me.

"Sir, did you hear me?" I ask tentatively.

"I heard you Agent Scully. Congratulations, do we know..." His voice trailed off, seemingly too embarrased to complete the question.

"Yes Sir, I do know."

He merely nodded, not needing a further explanation. He turned to leave and this time I did nothing to stop him. I guess I needed to be alone. His coming here only solidified what I already knew, Mulder was gone. Out of habit I reached for my neck, expecting to clasp the familiar shape of a cross. But, I remembered, my necklace, my talisman, was with Mulder..wherever that was. I will never be sure of what prompted me to give him my necklace the night before his flight back to Oregon, but I offer a silent prayer to that unknown force. For now, in a way, I can be with him.

My heart feels empty, it's beats are steady, but with each dull thud I am reminded of what I've lost and what he's missing. He should have been the one to catch me when I fainted, the one to be with me during the anxious trip to the hospital, the one to sit with me while awaiting the test results and the one to hold me and kiss me when the doctors gave me the news. He should be here now, sharing in my joy. This tiny life inside me, it's his and mine. Ours, something which I will not give up without a fight.

"I don't want to risk...losing you" Had he really said that to me? I admire his courage to tell me that. In fact, I admire him for everything he did for me and told me on the bed that night in Oregon. I had been almost afraid to go to him that night. I didn't like him seeing me as, well..less than perfect. I don't like admitting that I am less than "fine". But I did it anyways, I put on my shoes and went to his room. He seemed appropriately concerned and even offered to call a doctor for me. When I told him that I just wanted to be warm, his response surprised, no wait, it shocked me. I had been expecting the typical, Mulderesque, "turn up the heat, put on a sweater, grab another blanket" but instead what I got was an invitation under his covers, an invitation which I couldn't turn down. We hadn't really talked about "that night" and I think I was secretly hoping that we could have a replay of it. But he opted to not join me under the covers but rather he chose the equally intimate position of laying behind me, his arm over my body, keeping me warm. I cried that night, I cried for my past and I cried for what my future would not hold.

My future..I have some tough decisions to make. I wish Mulder could be here with me, he'd talk me through it, I know. I don't want to make any decisions without him but I don't know when...or if he'll be back. That feeling of emptiness is back again. I'm alone now, that other part of me taken away. A sudden wave of nausea reminds me that I'm not alone, that I carry something very precious with me.

He took my heart with him. I have to find him.